3 Things to Stop Doing When You Don’t Know What to Do Next

By Leanna Lapidus, Clinical Hypnotherapist & Transformational Coach

You have a decision to make, but every time you think about it, you feel more confused.

You scroll for answers. You text someone. You ask another person what they would do. You replay the same possibilities, hoping that one more conversation will make everything clear.

Meanwhile, your own voice becomes harder to hear.

Maybe you’re deciding whether to stay in a relationship, change your work, set a boundary, or begin a new chapter. You want to make the right choice. But the pressure to figure everything out can leave you feeling stuck.

Start here: put your phone down. Get quiet. Listen.

Some of the answers you’re searching for may already be within you. Give yourself space to discover what you feel, what you need, and what matters to you.

1. Stop filling every quiet moment

When something feels uncomfortable, it’s easy to reach for a distraction. A few minutes of silence become a few minutes of scrolling. A difficult feeling becomes another text conversation. Before you know it, you’ve spent the day taking in everyone else’s thoughts without listening to your own.

Silence creates room to hear yourself.

That doesn’t mean every thought that appears is the truth. An old fear can be loud, too. The purpose is to notice what’s there without immediately escaping it or acting on it.

You may begin to recognize a difference between what you genuinely want and what you feel pressured to want.

For example, you might keep telling yourself, “I should say yes. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.” In a quiet moment, you may notice something else: “I’m exhausted. I need time for myself.”

That realization gives you something useful to work with.

Try five minutes of quiet

Put your phone out of reach. Sit somewhere comfortable. You don’t need to empty your mind or do this perfectly.

Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What do I need?
• What am I afraid to admit to myself?
• What matters most in this decision?

Write down what comes up. You don’t need to solve it immediately. Begin by listening.

If sitting quietly feels difficult, try a gentle walk without a podcast or a few minutes of writing. Give yourself a way to reflect that feels manageable.

2. Stop asking everyone else before checking in with yourself

There is a place for thoughtful advice. Someone with relevant experience may help you see an option you missed or understand a practical concern.

But when you ask everyone what you should do, you can end up carrying everyone’s opinions.

One person tells you to leave. Another tells you to stay. Someone says to take the risk. Someone else says to be careful. Each person responds through their own experiences, priorities, and fears.

They may care about you deeply. They still don’t live your life.

Before you ask for another opinion, give yourself a chance to form your own.

Imagine that you’re considering a career change. You ask several people for advice, and the conversations leave you more uncertain. Pause and write down what you know: the work you enjoy, the responsibilities you have, the income you need, and the change you’re hoping to make.

Now you can ask a more useful question: “What information do I need to make this decision?”

That might lead you to research training, speak with someone in the field, or explore a small first step. Your own priorities guide the conversation.

Listen within, then check the facts

Try these questions before seeking advice:

• If I weren’t trying to please anyone, what would I want?
• What am I hoping someone else will give me permission to do?
• Which part of this decision needs reflection, and which part needs more information?
• Who has the experience to help with that specific question?

Listening to yourself and getting useful support can work together. The goal is to make a choice you understand and can stand behind.

3. Stop forcing an answer when you’re confused

Sometimes you’ve thought about a decision so much that you can no longer see it clearly.

You keep returning to the same questions: “What if I’m wrong? What if I regret it? What if there’s a better option?”

When you’re going in circles, give yourself permission to step away.

Take a walk. Make a meal. Spend time on a task that needs your attention. Go do something else instead of demanding that the answer arrive right now.

You may find that you return with a clearer perspective. You may also realize that you need a conversation, more information, or help exploring what makes the decision difficult.

Clarity can come when you give yourself room to receive it. It doesn’t always arrive as a complete plan. Sometimes it’s simply knowing the next question to ask or the next step to take.

Give your pause a purpose

If the decision can wait, choose a time to revisit it. For example: “I’m going to stop thinking about this tonight and return to it tomorrow after breakfast.”

When you come back, write down:

• What do I know?
• What still needs clarification?
• What is the next useful step?

If there’s a deadline, work with the time you have. You don’t need perfect certainty to make a thoughtful decision.

When it’s hard to hear your own voice

Sometimes quiet reveals the same criticism you’ve heard for years:

“You’ll mess it up.”

“You can’t trust yourself.”

“You have to keep everyone happy.”

Those thoughts may feel familiar because they’re connected to learned beliefs and past experiences. Familiarity alone doesn’t make them accurate.

This is where deeper exploration can help. Ask: “Where did I learn this? Is it a fair description of me today? How is it influencing my choices?”

For example, if you learned that disagreeing with someone leads to rejection, setting a boundary may feel especially difficult. Recognizing that pattern helps you understand why the decision feels so charged.

You can then consider what you need now, rather than letting an old belief make the choice for you.

How I help my clients find clarity

Sometimes we need support to quiet our minds and feel connected to ourselves again.

In my work with clients, I create space for them to slow down, explore their feelings, and uncover the fears and learned beliefs that may be influencing their decisions.

Through hypnotherapy, guided imagery, reflection, and reframing, we explore those patterns and practice different ways of responding.

My role is to help you understand yourself more deeply so you can identify what matters to you and choose practical next steps. Your decisions remain yours.

Begin with one quiet moment

You don’t have to figure out your whole life today.

Put your phone down. Take a few minutes to listen. Write down what you notice.

If the answer isn’t clear, give yourself space. Return to the decision with curiosity and a willingness to explore.

You may discover a need you’ve been dismissing, a fear you’ve been following, or a small step you’re ready to take.

Need personalized support? Contact Leanna Lapidus to explore working together. I can help you uncover what’s holding you back, reconnect with yourself, and develop practical next steps.

When you feel confused, more opinions can make it harder to hear yourself. Discover three habits to pause so you can reflect, reconnect, and take your next step.